My least favorite sound.

Disclaimer: I am joking. I did this in my debate class for the shock value because I was bored. I apologize if you feel offended, but you really shouldn't be so offendable.



You know what my least favorite sound is?
 Babies crying. It makes me want to club seals. And kittens. They’re obnoxious. Kids are adorable when they reach that cute age of about two. Then after that stage they’re obnoxious again until they die. But you know what’s delicious? BABIES! It’s a simple fix, really. It can’t make much sound when you’re digesting it.


This is why I support the legalization of eating human babies under the age of one for the reasons of world peace, population control, and their nutritional value.

My first point, world peace.
Statistics show a correlation between babies screaming to the overall anger level of anyone listening to it is much higher than anyone who is baby screaming free. If we control the noise level babies emit, we can help control the anger level of everyday people. From small neighborhoods to large countries. There is no limit to what we can do. We could even prevent terrorism with the simple promotion of baby eating. We can also stop the high levels of aggravated murders, depression, and Rosie O' Donnell.


My second point, controlling the population
India, china, you name it. Controlling the population has been a problem for ages. The population of the world is growing everyday, and with it, the rates of illiteracy, famine, teenage pregnancy, depression, childhood obesity, and I’m pretty sure I could tie anything else bad to it. With more people in the world comes more responsibility for people we don’t have the time or resources to take care of. With control over the amount of people in the world, we can easily control the quality of our people. Educated, refined, and polite people will reign when we regulate the eating of infants.

And my last point, the nutritional value of human baby meat.
Babies are low in calories, high in protein, and great in taste. They’ve got faces you just can’t say no to. And best of all they’re all natural, without all the steroids found in other livestock meat. They taste great with vegetables and promote a healthy lifestyle. And lastly, they'll make all of your dreams come true.

In conclusion, we can fix just about every problem in today’s society if we legalize, regulate, and promote the consumption of human babies until they reach age one. If they survive after that,  we put them to hard labor.