Dear girls who talk ten octaves too high because you think it’s cute,

You’re not cute and I hate absolutely everything about you.

Sincerely, 

The end.

Just kidding, but seriously though, it’s not cute.
Do you hear yourself at all? I know my voice personally sounds different than what I hear when I talk, but to an extent I know what I sound like… 

Everyone knows you have a normal voice, because you use it occasionally when you’re not trying so hard to wake dogs up 3 blocks away at a park. So why is it that when you talk to boys, your voice changes to such a high pitch? Are you a baby? Do you think it’s really that attractive to act like a baby? And don’t you have a boyfriend? Or are you just trying to get people to do what you want them to do? You give me a sinus headache. You shove mucus up in my nose and give me a sinus headache.

I feel like, to most girls, this is a mechanism used in a manipulative way to get people to do what they want. You make yourself look weak and vulnerable, much like a baby. When was the last time you actually took someone seriously when they talked like they were two? The pitch of your voice has a lot to do with your confidence.

This might be because I’m a debater, but I can’t take people seriously when they try to act cute in order to get people’s attention in doing something. People who debate are typically intelligent, confident people. Their voices have a big impact on the judge’s vote. If you sound like Stewart from MADTv, you typically will not get anyone’s vote because IT’S AWFUL TO LISTEN TO. I do hope that girls who talk like this know that girls who do use a baby voice and don’t use the powerful voice everyone actually does have deep down do not end up being Supreme Court Justices, CEO's, or any woman who is in a position where it is important to be taken seriously. Have some dignity!  Have some respect for yourself! Grow some…balls? BALLS! YEAH! BALLS.

You know what, you don’t even have to grow balls. Just use your big girl voice. That would make me very happy.

And I’m all about “EXPRESS YOURSELF. BE YOU.” I get it, but there’s a fine line between doing things for the shock value so people notice you and THINK you’re unique and doing things for yourself. You may be unique, but unique isn’t always a good thing.

So I guess what the main point of what I’m trying to get across is  do everything you can to make yourself happy without being fake and manipulative and a harm to everyone's hearing.
Yeah. That.